Digest Self

by Familiars

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06:12

about

Recorded in an A-frame cabin near Mount Rainier in November of 2016. Bob might have seen a ghost. Overdubs and mixing in a room with no windows in Seattle, WA. Engineered by Bob Martin. Produced by Ian McCutcheon. Mixed by Ian McCutcheon with additional mixing by Bob Martin. Mastered by Ed Brooks. Album art by Bridget Baker @be-wilderment on Instagram

Ian McCutcheon did the guitar, drums, vocals and a little synth
Olivia White played guitar and vocals
Cameron Walden played synth and vocals
Will Segerstrom played bass

Special thanks to Jordan Marx and Maggie Malloy who play these songs with us live. To Jake Barrow for playing drums in the early days and helping me arrange some of the songs. Thanks to Bob Martin for recording these songs with me and being my best friend. Thanks to Plume records for putting the album out and being great supporters of music. Thanks to Grant and his family for lending us the cabin for a long weekend. Finally thanks to Allison, Kim, Rob, Ryan and Erika for being my family.

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released November 9, 2017

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Familiars Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: Swollen Smile
Time will tell
anything you ask of it
time will tell
if you leave it alone

Remember the day
we laid eyes on each other?
I wondered your name
from across the crowd

We were alone
then we were alone together
first we were bound
then we were free
we were alone
then we were alone together
I am bound to you
you are bound to me

Time will tell
anything you ask of it
time will tell
if you leave it alone

I walked awhile
swimming in the memories
of how you danced
across the gymnasium
you'd cut your lip
and looked up to me
with a swollen smile

We were alone
you were alone
you will always be alone
but then
you could be alone with me

First you were bound
you were bound to your name
to your face
to the ground
but then
I am bound to you
you are bound to me
Track Name: Eye Contact
Try to pay attention
Try to stand up straight
Try to keep eye contact
without feeling insane

It's easy but I can't seem
to control my eyes
I try, I try
to change when I've
found I've objectified

Caught myself staring
at a stranger walking by
do I become the stranger
when I objectify?

It's easy but I can't seem
to control my eyes
I try, I try
to change when I've
found I've objectified
Track Name: Snake
Neither here nor there
I was somewhere in between
woke from a dream inside a dream inside a dream
and when I tried to recall
who I was inside them all
no matter what mask I wore I was me

Though i had tried to run
from what I had done
I'd tried to escape
from the choices that I'd made
and in trying to erase
I made the same mistakes
like a snake eating a snake eating a snake

~It goes on and on~
- snake, snake -
every moment lasts and era
every era lasts a day
~It goes on and on~
- snake, snake -
to create is to destroy
as to destroy is to create
~It goes on and on~
- snake, snake -
my body is the branches
my life it is the flame
~that burns on and on~
- snake, snake -
I am a snake eating a snake eating a snake eating a snake

~It goes on and on and on~
-to the unknown-
-around the sun-
-to the horizon-
on and on and on

Underneath everywhere
in between everything
there is a force that is tearing
tearing at the seams
and though it should fall apart
though it should lay to waste
there is something holding you
into you place

I had this reeling feeling
when I saw the mirror break
there were one thousand reflections
peering back into my face
though three is no going back
it is never too late
to create from the mess that you made
Track Name: Subliminal Messages
Subliminal messages
you threaded
in our conversation
at night

What we talked about
it didn't really get divulged
it didn't really get announced
subliminal messages at night

When you said what you meant
but didn't mean what you said
when you hid what you meant
underneath what you said
when you thread

Subliminal messages at night.

Subliminal messages
I planted
in our interaction at night

What I had confessed
it didn't really get exposed
we didn't really get undressed
subliminal messages I plant

When you said what you meant
but didn't mean what you said
When I hid what I meant
underneath what I did
and in between what you said
and underneath what I did
there is a seed of doubt
it's roots have started to spread

When you thread
subliminal messages
at night
When I plant
subliminal messages
at night
Track Name: Unreal
Take my keys
take my land and treasuries
when I don't want to be your baron anymore
take my home
take all that I know
I don't want to be your baron anymore

There was a time that I would beg for it
I was hungry for you sustenance
but I do not need what you can give anymore
I wore you emblem dutifully
like a shield it had protected me
but it weighted on me to heavily
so I threw it on the ground

When I feel
better off unreal
better off from here

Take my sword
take all the reward
I don't want to be your warrior anymore
take my bow
take all that I know
I don't want to be your warrior anymore

There was a time that I would wear your coat
of arms as if it were my own
but I cannot bow before your throne anymore
I followed you to distant lands
where blood was stained upon my hands
and I followed all of your commands
I don't follow anymore

When I feel
better off unreal
better off from here
Track Name: Forbidden Place
Forbidden Place
I came to enter
Forbidden Place
I cannot go

I took it as a challenge
to enter the palace
where the emerald fires burn
where entrance is forbidden
and sacred treasure is hidden
I left and now I'll never return from this

Forbidden Place
I came to enter
Forbidden Place
I cannot go

I scaled the onyx walls
into the ancient marble halls
where the dryads eat their feast
then invited me to dine
and I drank the lotus wine
my lips were stained
I cannot leave from this

Forbidden Place
I came to enter
Forbidden Place
I cannot go

I was just mistaken
I am always undertaking something
bigger than my body can possibly withstand
I was just mistaken
now I've been overtaken
I am bound to the banquet at the Emerald King's command in this

Forbidden Place
I came to enter
Forbidden Place
I cannot go

I eat forever hungry
the satyrs sing and dance around me
but I am willing
and I'm able
to stand and walk away from this table

Forbidden Place
I came to endure
Forbidden Place
I need to go
right now
Track Name: Storm Came In
Storm came in
we lost our direction
storm came in
we lost our way

I guess we'll spend the night
here in the mountains
watching the moon cut through
the falling snow

Storm came in
we lost our direction
storm came in
we lost our way

We were cold
but we were safe
stranded out at Blanca Lake
we built a fire
on the edge of the frozen water

Storm came in
we lost our direction
storm came in
we lost our way

It's something I never could have seen
had I know my direction
something I never could have know
had I known the way back home
Track Name: Caterpillar
I didn't know
while I was sleeping
a caterpillar had crawled into my mouth
across my tung
past my molars
down my throat
and into my heart

I didn't know
how could I know that
a chrysalis had formed inside?
and when i felt
my heart was breaking
it was the curling, unfurling wings
of the butterfly

I didn't know, I didn't know
how could I?
I didn't know that I was changing inside
I didn't know, I didn't know
how could I?
but you were always there for me
even during strange times

and when I'm dreaming
I'm drinking the nectar
I'm drinking the nectar
of echinacea
when I'm sleeping
I'm drinking the nectar
I'm drinking the nectar
of echinacea

I didn't know, I didn't know
how could I?
I didn't know that I was changing inside
I didn't know, I didn't know
how could I?
but you were always there for me
even during strange times

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